GRIEF & LOSS

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ABOUT GRIEF & LOSS

Grief is something that most of us will experience at some point in our lives. It is the inner experience of, and internal reaction to, the loss of someone or something that we love and it can be an incredibly painful process.

Grief often involves experiencing a wide range of emotional states including shock, disbelief, relief, anger, sadness, fear, guilt or suicidal ideation, and all manner of physical effects from fatigue, numbness, aches, pains and nausea to weight fluctuation. The process of experiencing these emotions and physical symptoms is an entirely normal and natural response to human loss, and the greater the significance of the loss, the more intensely felt is the grief.

Every individual grieves in an completely individual way. This is because the grieving process is linked to those factors that makes us individual and unique as human beings such as our personality, temperament, life experience, beliefs and values. In order to grieve healthily it is important to give ourselves enough space to allow ourselves to surrender to the full emotional experience. It is also important not to judge ourselves if our own grief process looks different to that of other people. The way we grieve is related to the unique way in which we love.

When we are grieving, it can feel as if we might never emerge from the pain. There is no set time limit for grief. It just takes as long as it takes. It can last for weeks, months or longer. At some point though, at some juncture, the emotional intensity does start to lessen and we do begin to emerge. Then we can go about slowly rebuilding a new life for ourself.

 

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CAUSES OF GRIEF

These may include any experience of loss due to:

  • the death of someone significant
  • a relationship break-up, separation or divorce
  • accident or illness
  • the loss of an animal
  • a change in relationship status
  • the move away from a place that was meaningful to us
  • the loss of something material that is meaningful such as a house
  • a new wave of grief that is being amplified by an unresolved old grief
  • the loss of hope for the future

THERAPEUTIC APPROACH TO GRIEF

The literature defines six stages of grief, built on the original five stages of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1969), as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and finding meaning. In reality though, grief is not linear. It doesn’t follow any rules so there is no one right way to grieve.

Therapy can provide support through the grieving process by:

  • allowing the grief process to be what it is without judgment or pressure for it to be anything other than what it is
  • supporting us in processing our emotions and feelings and experiences as they emerge week on week
  • facilitating us in becoming more conscious and aware of what is happening to us
  • helping us to gain some understanding of the meaning of it all
  • providing a stable and secure “holding” relationship through what can be a turbulent time
  • helping us to accept and come to terms with what has happened
  • encouraging self-care and compassion for ourselves
  • learning to live again once the grieving process is over

“One thing I would say with confidence is that we don’t do grief, grief does us. It’s going to come through you if someone you love desperately dies, and it’s not up to you when it strikes. But if you understand that a storm is coming, and you feel it beginning inside of you, it’s a real waste of time to fight it. Let the weather pattern emerge. Cry if you need to …”

(Observer Magazine, 23rd October 2022, pp.8-13)

POSITIVE EXPERIENCES

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"She is a very calming, understanding and nonjudgmental person and it is so nice to have the space she creates each week to go to where I can feel"
accepted and supported

Client J
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"Jane helped me learn more about myself and to find a self-compassion that helped me in my relationship with myself and others"

Client C
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"Jane helped me to understand my own feelings and how I could deal with them"

Client N
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"I've been attending sessions with Jane on and off for a few years now and I have found her to be really supportive and helpful during this time"

Client J
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"She always makes me feel comfortable enough to speak openly in our sessions"

Client N
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"Jane helped me through some very tough times and her compassionate and nonjudgmental attitude has allowed me to feel more comfortable in myself when I'm out in the world"

Client J

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